That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
