well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
