My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
