I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
