i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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