the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize