I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
