Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
