You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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