I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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