i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
