Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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