There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
