I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you never un-have a 4some
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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