I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
