why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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