Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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