Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
