the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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