He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
