One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize