my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
