using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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