Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
