i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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