I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
