Life is so much better after having sex.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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