Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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