Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
