I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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