Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
