Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
