where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
