was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im part way to drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
