as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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