i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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