I think my fart just growled at me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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