You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
