We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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