hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
