All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
