whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
