Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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