Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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