so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
