I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize