i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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