This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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