highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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