come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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