But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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