Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
