i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
