Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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