I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm passing your future prison.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
