Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Boobs are out for the taking
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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