I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
