She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
